Any marriage counselor will tell you the same: women leave men they love, despite the fact that many situations are indeed complex.
They might feel awful about it, but they still do it. They gather up the courage, rally their resources and they leave. Many women leave men with who they have homes, children, and lives.
They leave for a variety of reasons, but there is one quite haunting reason though: They leave because their man is anything but the present. He is gaming, fishing, working, watching TV, or golfing… This doesn’t mean that these men are bad men. They are good fathers, likable, nice, and supportive. But, they are not present and take their wife for granted.
No one is saying this is right or wrong, but it is simply what happens very, very often. Men can get hurt, indignant, and angry, but the truth is that their wife is not their property and women don’t owe you their love and their soul. You need to work very hard to earn it! You win her over first, but it takes time, patience, aliveness, and presence to make her stay. She needs to feel this! You need to listen to her when she is talking about things she cares about, not only nod politely.
Any woman wants to be felt. No one wants quick sex or absent-minded husband. Women want to feel their partner`s passion, and not just passion for her or for sex, but a passion for being alive! This passion is the most attractive thing men possess and in case they have lost it, they need to find it as soon as possible.
If you believe that you are present with your wife, you need to start listening to her. When you look at her, how deeply do you see her? Look again and do it deeper. If she asks you what you are doing at the moment you meet her gaze, tell her: “I’m looking into you. I want to see you deeply. I’m curious about who you are. After all these years I still want to know who you are, every day.” But, make sure you really mean it before saying it.
Give her your full attention and notice the sensation in your hand before putting it on her. Pay attention to her reaction and to what happens the moment you actually make the contact. What do you feel? What happens in your body? Pay attention to the most subtle emotions and tell her everything you feel at the moment.
But, you are busy and you cannot find the time for all this. But, this doesn’t take a lot of time, nor a little fortune spent on date nights and extravagant dinners. It only takes five minutes a day to be present with the woman you are sharing your life with. To be present, open, and listening without any judgment.
Note: It is worth noting that the gender dynamic discussed above is reversible and it can go both ways.