I Am Completely In Love With You, And Sometimes That Terrifies Me

To be honest, I didn’t see you coming. When you came to my life, it wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t some sort of spectacle or dramatic entrance.  There weren`t any lights shining down and focusing on you, even though I was unable to take my eyes off of you.  When I met you, I didn’t know that you were going to be so important to me, you know. I didn’t know that you will become such a significant part of my life. Most importantly, I didn’t know I would want you to be.

I didn’t know I would you or anyone else to be, for a long time.

In the beginning, I wasn’t sure how long you would stay in my life.  I spent the first days, weeks, and even months, filled with both excitement about the new experiences and nervousness while I waited for the next step.  I am used to the idea that the very moment I get too overwhelmed about something, that is the moment it slips from my fingers. I am used to the idea that once I think I have something to call mine, it makes it known it never was to begin with.

You are something that I am not used to. The way you look at me, the way you look at the world, the way you deal with things… But, I have great time finding out new things about you. Be it by telling me yourself or when I accidentally catch a moment of you being who you are.  I found consolation in the way you keep me around. I value everything you do for me, every single thing you tell me. I cherish every moment we spend together.  I love the way that you have always loved me and respected my beliefs, ideas, and decisions.

Honestly, somewhere along the way of all these overwhelming moments, I fell in love with you. And it terrifies me at times.

It terrifies me in the way that somehow my heart has me more space for a person that it ever has before. It terrifies me that I can love a person so much. It terrifies me that in the moments when I put my guard down and can see our future, that it doesn’t seem suffocating. It terrifies me that whenever I look at you, I see a person I want to share my life with.

But, I can also admit that loving you has been the best thing in my life. The moments when I feel down and you hug me, no questions asked. The moments when we spend hours laughing without any particular reason. The moments when I open myself without shame or guilt, knowing that you accept all parts of me. The moments where when I have looked back, I saw that the best moments were the ones spent with you.

I, just like anyone else, have no idea about how my life is going to unfold.  I have no clue where I will end up or what I will be doing. But, I do know that I want you to be there with them, just like you are now.