5 Stages Daughters of Unloving Mothers Go Through

In spite of the idea that all mothers are loving, some mothers are far from this; they are withholding, inconsistent, and emotionally distant. There are numerous girls/ women whose childhood is marked by a devoid of love and affection from their mothers. Unfortunately, some mothers simply aren’t willing to listen to their daughters, encourage them, and tell them how much they love them or how proud of them they are.  While this doesn’t make them abusive, the lack of affection does leave scars on these girls.

When a girl had gone through this, she feels the need to mourn the loss and grieve as she didn’t have the mother that she had a right to. Lack of love and affection from a mother has a tremendous emotional effect, leaving the girl feeling unworthy and struggling to believe that she is loveable even years later.

This is not an easy journey, and it is different for every woman that experiences it. It is quite difficult and messy, but it is important to be strong and work to repair the emotional damage that has been done.

The best way for a woman to grieve the loss of mother`s affection and love is by sticking to the 5 stages of grief. These stages aren’t easy to follow, but are certainly necessary. Note that  they don’t always go in order and many women tend to bounce between then and go back through the same stage over and over again.

1. Denial

Most women are stuck at this phase for years. While they are aware of that there is an issue, coming to terms with the fact that this is more than they can deal with causes the brain to shuts it out and avoid letting in more pain that can be handled and controlled.  In most cases, the daughter fails to see how badly her mother has hurt her until she eventually dies.

2. Anger

Anger, which is form of covering other emotions,  can be a result of many things. She could be angry at God, her life, her mother, her father, or even the sibling she things were loved more.  Forgiving whoever/ whatever she is mad with is the key to overcoming this stage.  While forgiveness doesn’t mean that what was done to her was fine, but it allows the daughter to get rid of the negative emotions and move on.

3. Bargaining

This stage can also last for years, or even decades.  An unloved daughter thinks that if she manages to get the love she needs from her mother, she can accomplish certain things. But, the truth is that no matter how hard she tries, nothing can make her mother change her attitude. This leaves the daughter helpless, willing to stop bargaining.

4. Depression

This stage is critical as it allows the daughter to feel the feeling of pain as they were supposed to be explored.  Most people tend to say “snap out of it” or “stop being sad,” but things don’t work this way.  To overcome this stage, the daughter has to feel the loss for as long as she needs to.

5. Acceptance

Eventually, an unloved daughter comes to term with the fact that there has been a loss and it negative affected her life. But, she is willing and prepared to learn from it as well as to recover by building and strengthening other relationships.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201703/daughters-unloving-mothers-mourning-what-you-deserved

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2017/08/guilt-shame-and-the-unloved-daughter-5-steps-to-deal-with-both/