“To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, until death do us part” is a phrase associated with the marriage of two loving people into a single unit. Although these worlds are pure and meaningful, modern life makes it quite difficult to live up to this standard. Where a couple might have united with the best intentions, almost half of all marriages in the States will end in divorce.
For most people divorce is extremely complicated, whether it`s by a house, a loan, or the children! Many couples choose to stay together and pull it off one way or another simply for the kids. This is not surprising though, given the shared responsibilities and development of a young child.
However, although there are many benefits of having both parents in the same house all the time, two people who are no longer in love with each other are destined to clash, causing friction and unrest and creating an unhealthy environment for kids to grow in.
If you are debating whether or not to stay in a marriage which is not working for the sake of your kids, here are a few things to consider:
Your children will learn from your example
The example being set in such circumstances will often be one of distrust with each other. Kids tend to internalize the behavior of their parents and grow up with a wrong and unhealthy image of what a relationship and marriage should look like. Without love and respect which make a relationship flourish, the kids will have an unhealthy example from which to model their behavior later on.
The weight of resentment will lie on everybody’s shoulders
Being unsatisfied with the idea of their parents and being imperfect, children often turn this problem on themselves. Given that they need someone to blame for their own conflicts, they often put the outer conflicts with themselves to blame. Very often, the child grows disillusioned with life, stressed and anxious, without the parents realizing what is going on.
Your children will grow up around conflict
Although many people think that children don’t notice nor understand their parents` conflicts and arguments, the truth is that they do notice them and model after this behavior. They tend to take this as an example for what their relationship should look like. Kids are capable of distinguishing emotional states, which makes them susceptible to difficulties resulting from their parents` conflicts.
All parents want the best for their loved ones, especially for their kids. However, staying together only for the kids only leads to unhappiness for all the people involved. Just ask a kid grown in such an environment… You will hear a lot about their memories stemming from their parents` unhealthy relationship, manifested by days of silence and bitter arguments.